


What We Don't Know

by catwesker, seraphienus



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Banter, Budding Love, Confusion, Drama, Emotions, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:57:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6219133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catwesker/pseuds/catwesker, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphienus/pseuds/seraphienus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snake had returned to Mother Base earlier than usual and was pleasantly surprised to find Miller when he touched down. The two decided to go for dinner, a rare thing in itself, and spent the rest of the evening together. What they couldn’t have expected was how those few hours would eventually change them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Don't Know

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written by me and a friend through a role-play. I took Miller's part and her Venom's part. We have different writing styles and due to the nature of a role-play, the story was written back and forth between us (Venom vs Miller's perspectives). I tried to color-code our paragraphs but unfortunately the system doesn't allow. 
> 
> Note: Story is set after Mission 30 (Skullface) and before Mission 43 (Quarantine).
> 
> Comments/Author's notes at the bottom of the page contain a SPOILER for those who have not completed MGS5. Please be careful.

Miller was looking out at the horizon from a corner of the Command platform. Normally he wouldn't be here - he'd be at the support platform advising Snake on field but he had been overworking and everyone else had been worried and asking him to take a break, especially since Snake had only been out for side ops this time. He had only agreed after much persuasion and persistence from his men, even Ocelot. He had returned to his room to rest but just a few hours later his restlessness brought him back out. Not being on comms with Snake over a period of time seemed to provoke some level of anxiety but he was not about to tell anyone that. Eventually, he heard the familiar sounds of a returning chopper and looked up to see Pequod making a turn around the platform.

It was a fairly easy mission. Snake weaved in and out of the base with ease to grab the prisoner out of security and had fultoned him safely back to base. He even got lucky with an AR blueprint which he was sure would be useful to R&D as well as himself. Pequod came on point and he was taken back home before the sun even set. Now approaching Mother Base, Snake saw the familiar welcome of his soldiers by the helipad and today surprisingly, a special guest stood by his crutch as well to welcome his return. He felt a small smile creep up his face but quickly hid it away as he touched down. The soldiers greeted him uniformly and Miller slowly walked up with slow steps. Snake dismissed the salutation as he greeted the blonde, "Hey Kaz."

“Welcome back,” Miller slowly walked up to the boss, his face neutral for anyone to see though only he knew he was glad Snake made it back safely in one piece, again. “You’re early today.” He knew side ops were easy for the legendary soldier - there wasn’t a single stain of blood on his sneaking suit, so there was no need to compliment him on another job well done. He glanced out towards the sunset and gave a small smile, “Just in time for dinner?”

"Yeah," Snake responded. "Thought it'd be nice to be in time for dinner for once." And then he dismissed the soldiers from their presence as they slowly trotted away, leaving only the blonde with him. He looked at Miller--his usual demeanor of shades and coat, looking undefeated even with the crutch in his hand. Snake knew Miller was fueled by vengeance to be standing here, but still he was glad Miller was still here. "So, are we going to have dinner now or what?" Snake spoke matter-of-factly as he stood beside Miller, signaling the start of a slow walk and Miller followed beside him.

"Dinner it is," Miller followed Snake who matched his pace with his. It was a rare thing for them to have dinner together despite sharing the same home for all this time, what with Snake’s irregular return times. He couldn’t remember if this was even their third time. The cafeteria was open 24/7 but he’d leave it to Snake if they were eating there. He couldn’t help but think that if people said he was overworking, what about Snake who seemed almost always out there? Depending on which platform he chose to return to there would be fellow MB soldiers who had actually never seen him in person (maybe except those who were kidnap-recruited firsthand). Soon enough he might just become the phantom boss. As they walked, Miller asked, “How was support today?”

“Good as always," Snake said. "Wouldn't expect any less from you, Kaz." Today they had returned to Command base, which was why he had not expected to stumble into Miller. Mother Base had expanded greatly over the months they had been trying to put things together, and despite Miller always saying it was under his great leadership, Snake knew otherwise. Mother Base wouldn't have become this without Miller and Ocelot. He felt like a hired hand most of the time, and people were giving him way too much credit than it was due.

"With the amount of side ops you put me on Kaz, I wonder when you'll put me on one where I get to save a 'legendary cook' rather than a 'legendary jackal or ibis'," Snake laughed warmheartedly, not sure why he felt this way around Miller. "We can use some good quality food for the soldiers after all their hard work."

Miller laughed, he actually laughed, albeit a small one. “You have a very good point. I’ll have a word with Ocelot and see if he can source one out. I’ll personally work with him on this.” He walked a few more steps before he commented, “I wasn’t on comms with you for most of today though. They forced me to take a break.”

Snake looked at Miller, concerned, and he didn't know he could be rather expressive when he needed to be, "So that's why you aren't breathing down my neck today." And he let out a playful smile, then returned to a more serious look," Are you alright though? You ought to be resting then if that's what the men insisted on."

“Haha!” Miller laughed again. What was with all these easy laughs? But he knew that this was a much better remedy than to be staying in his room ‘sleeping’ in bed (staring up at the ceiling). “You may be a legend but I know you better. On bad days you could be as careless as Eli,” he smiled to himself. That was why he always breathed down his neck. “You don’t have to worry about me,” he tried to shrug the other topic away, regretted starting it. “The men are just overly concerned.”

"Being overly concerned is not a bad thing, Kaz," Snake looked at him intently, "That's what it means to be a part of the family, yes?" Their slow walk eventually took them to the next platform which was in the direction of the Support platform. He saw the jeep parked in the same place and turned to Miller, "So dinner here or back to where you're comfortable with?" But a strong gush of sea wind blew abruptly in the evening and Miller's beret seemed to almost fall off and Snake reached out to hold it down in place as his coat flapped against him. "Chilly tonight, ain't it?"

“Thanks,” Miller said in response to Snake saving his beret. He would have held it down himself, but with just one hand and the need to hold onto his crutch… “Mind if you take it off for me? It’d just be blown away again.” He brushed off his awareness of their proximity. “I leave it to you where you want to eat.”

Snake took the beret off for Kaz and held it in his hand, a random urge to just run his fingers through his blonde strands perhaps just to set it back in place after the mess the breeze left it in. Sometimes when Miller made such a small request it only reminded Venom how badly this war had wounded Miller, to the extent that the smallest things that made no difference to a normal man could be of difference to him. But there was no point in mentioning such things. Perhaps this was the reason why Snake found it in him to feel protective over Miller.

"Uh," he paused for a moment. "I suppose we can do R&D. I want to check out some guns after dinner." Then looking at the helipad not far off, Snake asked, "Do you prefer to fly or have me chauffeur you over the classic way?"

It didn’t take two seconds for Miller to decide, “Let’s take the car. It’s not every day I get the big boss to be my chauffeur.” He half hid half showed his smile. He didn’t catch on the urge to touch his hair that Snake seemed to have. He also didn’t mention that the privacy of the car was one form of luxury that was uncommon for the two of them, not when their walls had eyes and ears.

Snake let out a small laugh, "Ha, well then." He walked closely next to Miller in silence that they shared comfortably beside each other. To Snake, silence was a form of peace, a luxury, and now, being able to walk on Mother Base like any other ordinary soldier, away from the sounds of bullets felt utterly peaceful to him. He looked at Miller who seemed deep in thought however, and asked, "Are you thinking about something, Kaz?"

Miller almost slowed down his footsteps when he heard Venom’s concern. He had not been aware that he himself was brooding over something. Was he wearing a worrisome look so deep Venom could tell even behind his ever-present shades in this dusk light? “It might have been in the back of my head… I guess sometimes I can’t help but think about all that we’ve lost. Our home, our friends. But together we built all that up again from ground zero.” He paused for a moment to gaze around Mother Base. “All this is new yet at the same time it feels so old and familiar. This sense of belonging. Purpose. Home. Friends. …You.” His voice trailed off as he picked up his footsteps again. “We might have defeated Skullface, but Cipher’s still out there, threatening everything we hold dear. When I think about what they did to us… that they could still do it… if I were to lose everything again….” He subconsciously gripped his crutch tighter as he now hoped Venom would just take this as a monologue.

Listening to Miller speaking about the past and how he was always worried, threatened by the idea of how all of what they had built could crumble in any second and how this place meant so much to him made Venom even more aware how much he needed to protect Mother Base. It wasn't as though it didn't matter to him, but he was always out there trying to complete tasks, missions, all in his efforts to grow and strengthen Mother Base, their home. He knew any time this place could be reduced to ashes like 10 years ago, reason why he was committed to serve Miller even more. But even so, seeing how Miller was easily distraught by the idea of losing everything, Venom felt a tinge of sorrow for him, and thus crossed before Miller, stopping him in his footsteps. He held Miller by the side of his one good arm and the other? He held him slightly around his back to still him in his steps, speaking firmly, "Hey, Mother Base is not your sole responsibility. You didn't lose MSF alone, we were there-- we lost it, together. But now, we're building our home bigger and better than before. And we'll protect it together, Kaz. You're not alone."

Miller could feel Venom’s firm grip on his good shoulder, aware that Venom was careful not to touch his other sensitive one where the phantom pain still haunted him from time to time. Through his shades he looked right into Venom’s eyes, blue yet his gaze warm and soft. He understood he was not alone. All of Mother Base - and Snake – were with him, but this could not possibly be taken for granted. He continued to look into the man’s eyes quietly until he spoke again, softly. “I lost you once.” It wouldn’t be ‘together’ without him.

When Miller spoke those words, Snake hadn't realize that his coma had wounded the blonde this much. Wounded not physically, but scarred mentally, emotionally perhaps because his voice sounded so meek, and quite frankly, he was at a loss at the mention of those words. Snake didn't know that he had meant this much to Miller, not that he had ever spoken of it so bluntly before. "Kaz..." he raised a hand instinctively up to the side of his cheek and rubbed it with his calloused fingers, "But I came back."

Miller nearly flinched when he felt the touch on his face. Ever since the nightmare, and the day he lost his limbs, he had been extremely sensitive to touch, allowing virtually no one but medics tending to his medical needs (in the past) to have any physical contact with him. He was well aware that there had only been one exception to this and that man was now standing close to him invading his personal space, and yet Miller was accepting of it. He struggled quietly with his thoughts, discontent with himself for having shown weakness. He shouldn’t let his guard down like this. Just because the boss was your closest partner and friend didn’t mean that he should get soft. This would almost seem as if he was asking for attention or worse, to be coddled. A soft smile eventually found its way to Miller’s lips as he agreed, “You did.” He made a conscious effort to not think about the nine years in between.

Seeing Miller smile at his words settled his heart a little. At least Miller heard him this time, and knew that his return that was all that mattered at this point. They had been through the worst, Skull Face and Sahelanthropus. Now that they were ridden for good, Snake couldn't think of a better time to feel much safer, content to be on Mother Base and with his crew.

"Good." He released his hand, wondering why he had reached out in the first place and if his innocent gesture had weirded Miller out. "The jeep is not far ahead," he said as he looked towards its direction with Miller by his side, "Let's go." 

It felt cold as soon as boss’s hand left his face. Was the wind just strong or were boss’s hands always so warm? Miller still minded that he had shown weakness but Venom sure had his own way of comforting him. He kept the small smile on his face as he followed Venom, “Lead the way.”

They were on the jeep driving to R&D base when Miller started a new conversation. “In other news,” he chuckled a little. “Our men have got their hands on full on Eli. He uncontrollably rebellious and seems to have a single minded purpose, or a statement to make.” He signed. “He reminds me a lot of my old self. The irony.”

Snake laughed, “Well isn't that lively now? We've got animals and even kids, now we're really like a family, aren't we? If Eli reminds you of your old self, how do you propose we 'enlighten' him like you did?”

“Well, there were no shortcuts. I went through the process of growing up, learning through my experiences and meeting the right people. Not everyone grows out of it too. I’m still figuring out how to approach him. Hopefully I’ll be able to help but he’s always so guarded, distrusting.” He was aware it sounded like himself. “We’re all enemies to him as far as he’s concerned.” He signed again. ”It won’t be easy, but I’ll keep trying. You know, when I first saw him I thought he might be related to you by blood. You have an uncanny resemblance, do you think so?”

“I'm glad you're looking out for the kid. It's not easy for him. He was abandoned, a stray left to fend for himself all this time. It's no wonder he’s distrusting and defensive, which was why I brought him back, so at least there's a place he can feel like he's a part of. That there are people around who genuinely want to help him. But of course, that is still going to take some time in woodwork. And related to me? Maybe because he's quick to react on field. Hah if he were my son, I wouldn't be dislocating one arm if he plays defiance like that."

Miller raised a curious brow, although half hidden behind the rim of his shades. “Are you the type who’s soft on his own kid?” 

Snake stared at Miller, masking a half serious look, "When I said I wouldn't dislocate one arm, I meant I would dislocate two, Kaz." Then he let out a small laugh.

Miller laughed too, somehow he had not expected that. “Now that’s overdoing it.” How many times had he smiled, laughed or chuckled since Snake’s return from his side op today? “He’s deathly persistent, and it seems he has a strange obsession for you. Are you sure you’re not related?” Miller had already run a background check and tested their DNA, which confirmed they weren’t related but he was asking again anyway out of disbelief.

"Hmm..." Snake pondered for a moment, "I highly doubt the kid is mine. I don't recall any rendezvous with any woman and quite frankly speaking..." He then cocked an eye at Miller, looking from head to toe as he questioned matter-of-factly, "If anything, honestly, he seemed more of your child than mine, Kaz."

Snake continued to question aloud, "Think about it--he has your bad temper, your blonde hair, your punkass attitude back in those days... really now, Kaz," the Boss looked at him once more, deliberately sounding convinced, "...you sure you've not been.... fooling around too much?"

That almost threw Miller off (not angry, just major disbelief). “What! No. you can’t just make a connection because we’re blonde. Every kid has their own attitude and just because we had similar issues doesn’t mean anything. Besides, he’s 12 and I’m only 38. I wouldn’t be at the age where I was fooling around.” He didn’t know why he felt the need to justify himself.

Snake mused at Miller's reply, finding it rather... unconvincing. So his natural reaction was to just... respond, truthfully, with no other agenda in mind though he wasn’t sure if anyone would think he was accusing Miller of lying because he didn't mean to. "If Eli's 12, then you'd have had him at 26. That... sounds about the right age to be either fooling around or parenting unknowingly. Not that I'm insisting that you're his father though, Kaz. It's just... you seem a little defensive." Snake reached out to pat him by the shoulder, "You okay?"

“I know,” Miller mentally face-palmed out of embarrassment. “I did the math, but it still stands – I didn’t fool around when I was 26. I only did that after-- ….” He wanted to hit himself against a wall now. “Never mind, it’s… classified.” He looked away from the driver’s seat hoping there was no blush on his face (he didn’t know if he himself was the type to blush), or that the sunset rays would cover it up.

"Only after what?" Snake asked as he kept his eyes on the bridge, genuinely waiting for an answer. Now Miller got him curious, he felt an itch to know what he wanted to tell him. "There are actually things that are classified between us, Kaz?" He didn't sound hurt, but it was rather disbelieving now that Miller had pulled up the stop sign all of a sudden.

“No, but…” Miller couldn’t believe he just dug himself a dead end. “It won’t make any sense.” Miller honestly wished he didn’t have to answer him but it was a conversation he started and it was a curiosity he sparked – he was in all manners responsible for the consequences. If he closed the topic abruptly on Snake just like this, not only would it be unfair but it would also create unwarranted awkwardness between them, which was the last thing he needed. Miller sighed, thinking of how to word his reply without embarrassing himself too much. But it bore no fruits. The answer was too simple there was no other way anyone could say it. “I only fooled around after we met.” _There. I’m done. Now why is R &D so damn far??_

"Oh?" Snake wanted to continue expanding his discovery but something stopped him from speaking bluntly as he did before. He kept his hands stable on the steering wheel but his mind started thinking like clockwork. So... what did Kaz mean by that? What had his flirting got to do with him anyways? If he had asked that, would it seem impolite? But burning was the curiosity inside Venom. Miller did say it didn't make sense, so if he asked him to clarify would Miller insist the same and just stopped answering altogether? Maybe, but Snake wanted to ask. "Did I do something to make you do that?"

"No it wasn't anything you did, " Miller dreaded. He didn't know where this conversation would go and what it could cause at the end but he knew he wouldn't have control over its flow and if it got awkward, things could get complicated. "It was just-- I didn't understand it either. All I know is that that’s what happened." Maybe he really didn't understand it then, but he had had a decade to contemplate on it since. Right now, what little he admitted on understanding was to be kept to himself if he wanted things to remain simple and sustainable.

“I didn't do anything?" Snake noticed the end of the bridge approaching as the R&D building came into sight. Maybe Miller really didn't understand it, but why had it got to do with him? "Then why did my presence spark it? Maybe... hmm… maybe..." Snake found himself trailing off as they approached the platform. He wanted to guess something but nothing came to his head. Then he tried recalling if he had any fondness for a spunk like this, if he had had those moments where he would think of another person to 'fool' around with. The answer was rather bleak to his liking. Until...  hmm… maybe until that incident. "Hmm, maybe it was the same as what happened to me, something on a spur."

"What?" That got Miller's immediate attention. He was touched that Snake tried looking into his own experiences to find answers for him since he had kept saying he didn't understand it, and now he was curious what Snake might be relating to. "What spur?"

"It was like that one time..." Snake hesitated for a bit since he wasn't very proud of that episode but since Miller had been honest so he should play it cool he thought. "There was once I slept with a woman long ago. But I don't think I ever felt fondly of her. And it turned out she was a double agent and I guess that was what served me right for losing focus."

Miller was touched again that Venom was sharing a long ago past with him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to remind you of your past. " he could tell that what Venom had shared was different from his own story and he could possibly weasel his way out of the topic but this was also new information about Snake that he had never known. Now that he was sharing it with him perhaps it would only be right that he showed some concern and asked a few questions. He had looked depressed in the eyes since he brought this up, Miller couldn't just end this conversation like this. "You weren't... fond of her? Had she set you up?"

Snake thought it was nice of Miller to be asking about it even though this was something more than a decade ago. He was...young then, probably around the same age as Miller if he were to have Eli for his boy. That thought made him chuckle briefly before he answered, "Yeah it was a setup. She wanted something I had retrieved. But others said otherwise... said she had something real for me. I don't know, I didn't… really feel anything for her. Just physical."

"Wha-- " Miller almost choked on his own breath, and coincidentally at the same time they had _finally_ arrived on the R &D platform. The two of them remained in the jeep, parked at the edge of the long, long bridge where there was still much privacy. “Wow,” Miller thought about what Snake last said. “I didn’t think _you_ would have a time like that.”

"Like that? What do you mean?" Snake looked puzzled, wondering if Miller was trying to say something that he didn't quite understand. "I mean what she took was... perhaps not the most important thing to the US government. It was a sort of bonus, an add-on, so when it was gone no one really put me on interrogation either. I was actually rather prepared. But the morning that came after that night was worse. And honestly that night didn't mean anything to me even as it happened. I guess..." Snake stopped to instinctively pull out a cigar that wasn't there, then returned his hands to the steering wheel, "I suppose I am rather heartless like they say."

“I mean… I didn’t quite peg you as someone who’d get physical if you’re not fond of her.” Miller wasn’t sure if he should ask about what Snake meant by “the morning that came after”. He knew big boss, and well enough too, but not to the point that he knew what took place at what time and which event exactly. “But hey… don’t say that about yourself. You’re not heartless and all of us know that. Look at all those kids you saved. Look at--” he didn’t know if he liked pointing this next one out. “Look at Quiet. Hell I wanted her dead – I still do – but you’re—“ Miller let go of his crutch that he stuck between his thighs and gripped Venom’s shoulder lightly. “You have a heart bigger than anyone. Don’t let any double agent or femme fatale tell you otherwise.”

Snake thought it was very nice of Miller to be giving him credit where it wasn't due. He could say he was 'kind' to save the child soldiers and even Quiet, but it didn’t change that with each life he saved, he probably had traded at the cost of another life, be it an enemy or prisoner. Snake wasn't daft to his actions, but he usually didn’t think or put any emotions into it so that he functioned with discipline. Then again, perhaps that was the entire reason why he felt heartless, emotionless. "Well... thanks, Kaz. It's really nice of you to say that." He then looked at Miller and gave him an awkward smile, almost unconvinced or maybe because he was just so tired of being in this never-ending war. "I'm glad at least at the end of the day, I still have you and Mother Base to come home to no matter what."

A genuine smile spread across Miller’s face as he curled his fingers on Venom’s shoulder and gave it a light punch. “You sure can count on that. Can’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.” He let out a low chuckle.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Snake smiled as he got out of the jeep quickly to jog over to Miller's side to help him out. It's just his need to do so and he was glad Miller never looked at it in the wrong way. "So, where's the cafeteria on R&D again?"

Miller was relieved to see Snake’s mood turn around, though at the same time he was also relieved that he didn’t have to explain himself any further in regards to that dead-end he got himself into. He saw Snake come around and knew he’d be helping him out of the jeep – it had become an unspoken thing between them. Miller hated looking weak, let alone helpless, anywhere anytime regardless if there was an audience, but he would never reject Snake’s help because he understood that what drove this action was their bond, not sympathy. He let go of Snake’s shoulder once his good leg stood firm and grabbed his crutch on the jeep. “It’s that way.” He gestured with his head and started walking a few steps. “Perfect timing by the way. R&D had just completed version 3 of our very own hamburger. Maybe you could give that a try, on top of others of course.”

"Version 3?" Snake looked bewildered, "There's actual upgrades in hamburgers like the guns we have?" He didn't quite know whether to laugh at that or be serious about it. Sometimes Snake found himself a little overly concerned with the smallest things.

“Yeah,” Miller wore a look of determination. “Code Talker said it wasn’t the same as what he’s had before in the States. We can’t just let it end like this. I’m sure our men can do it - it just takes some trial and error.” Miller looked at Snake seriously. “If version 3 doesn’t pass your standards we’d skip that one for him. Hmm…” He probably didn’t realize how ‘adorable’ he was behaving about this.

Snake wanted to let out a chuckle but there was some determination in Miller's eyes that he couldn’t quite find the willpower to tell him 'it's just burgers'. And this was why Miller sometimes could behave rather adorably, despite his Spartan behavior from time to time. Well, there was no harm in better food, he supposed. "I can see your determination to give the best to our 'guest' and 'savior', Kaz."

“Oh,” Miller broke his thoughts on the hamburger specs. “Yeah… without him Mother Base really would have…” no he’s not going back to that thought either. “Anyway, we owe him a big one. And if the perfect hamburger is what he wants he’ll have it.” With that, the two of them disappeared into R&D building.

The moment the Boss showed up before the soldiers, everyone went into salutation and greeted him with eagerness. It's not everyday everyone get to see the man himself, perhaps even Snake himself didn’t know how many people he had fultoned and had their lives changed. But whatever the case, he was happy that people were glad to be a part of his team. So no matter how this hamburger was going to turn out, he intended to embrace it. "So where can I eat it?"

“Just sit down and relax. I’ll order it for you.” Miller went over to the counter and whispered to the guy about version 3. Apparently this stuff was not officially out on the menu yet; it would seem Miller really wanted Code Talker’s approval first. A minute or so later Miller rejoined Snake at his table. Although by this time some people had either scooted away or closer to them. “They’ll bring it to over once it’s ready. It won’t take long,” he referred to the hamburger. He had ordered himself something soupy instead to warm himself from the chill earlier. It, too, will be served, for obvious reasons.

"So hamburgers. I cannot remember if I actually had one. I mean, do you know what I do with a fork in my hand in the jungle and what sort of rations I had been consuming all my life? Quite honestly I doubt anything can surprise me at this point. There's once I actually had to skewer a frog with a fork and Sigint thought it was disgusting. But he didn’t understand it was for survival. I just made sure my means justify my ends is all." Not sure why Snake decided to talk about things from all ago but he did, he probably just thought Miller would be interested to know and that food to him, was actually just food.

“Hahaha…” Miller laughed softly, not so aware (and didn’t care) that there were soldiers who immediately looked his way. Miller? The angst one, laughing??  The boss must know magic of some sort to be able to do that. (And this is just a soft laugh too) “I’ve heard some of your stories.” Ocelot told him a few, and each time he did that there was curiosity as well as envy. They just seemed to have met each other so, so long ago. “Eat what you can to survive but it doesn’t hurt to feed yourself something a little more luxurious, if we can even call this that. I happen to know you were picky with tastes even when you were out in the wild.”

"Was I?" That was an alarming comment from Miller since Snake always considered himself as someone who had no preference in order to justify means. Tactility and functionality were his mottos after all. "Well I did remember the first time I had something called instant ramen and I thought that was amazing. I think paramedic was the one who told me about it, because I was already on my 4th day of rations. And if there's anything you don't want to eat, that's Russian rations. Even Snakes taste better than that."

“Right, the irony.” Miller shook his head lightly. “I’m not sure if Code Talker’s tasted instant noodles but I assure you we’re definitely aiming higher – way higher - than Russian rations and Snakes. If it still fails by version 5, I’m gonna have to look for that legendary cook as top priority.”

Snake chuckled for a moment, "Legendary cook sounds fine by me. You did say I deserve some luxury when it comes to food. But you know what, Kaz. Snakes aren't really that bad. I think everyone is having a misconception about them. They should be a delicacy."

“Trust me, I know.” Miller meant that as to how much the boss loved eating Snakes.

"Do you like to eat Snakes too, Kaz? You sound like you've had them before."

“Huh?” Miller realized how Venom could have misunderstood him. “No, I mean I know how much you loved eating them.”

"Well how would you have known that? I don't eat snakes very often last I remembered. That was... almost 20 years ago."

"Ocelot told me," Miller didn't like thinking there were many things he didn't know about the boss that Ocelot did but that just couldn't be helped. They were older friends than him.

Snake nodded, "Oh. Well he was the punk before. He's turned out very differently as you have seen." Then he looked around and wondered aloud, "I hope this hamburger is good though."

And so came that Burger and Miller's soup. Miller wouldn't begin eating, though, not until Snake gave him his verdict on the burger. That was not going to be everything for Snake of course, he had also ordered another upsized dinner set for him, just in case regular wasn't enough

So Snake stared at the burger. Two slices of dinner rolls slapped with a piece of meat in the middle with some lettuce and tomatoes. And some other plates were other foods he couldn't be bothered to think about. Miller talked about this burger and now here it was. Looks alright, but what's so special about it again? "Well, I thought it'd be bigger but that's fine. Smells good, though." And then he took a bite.

Miller sat waiting for his comment.

"Uh. It tastes fine? Better than snakes I suppose."

Miller slumped a little, unsure if he should skip this version for Code Talker. "Well, I guess that’s better than nothing. At least it's better than snakes that you loved so much, That’s gotta mean something. " Relieved in a way, he started drinking his soup. "Speaking of which, what items in development were you going to look at?"

“I don't really love snakes. They're pretty annoying to deal with. And I've learnt to like other food too." Snake clarified, taking another bite of the burger. "And I was going to look at the toy snake I had R&D develop to scare enemies."

“Despite all that you sure fought enough snakes to have eaten so many of them,” Miller didn’t know just how many snakes Venom had eaten in the past but he got that gist from the few stories Ocelot had shared on occasion. It was something about Ocelot looking into Snake’s bag one day to find tons of dead animals, most of which were snakes, and pre-BBQ’ed too. And then he heard about the toy snake. Wait, what? Did R&D really do that? “A toy snake?” Miller raised a brow. “Wouldn’t a real one have done a better job?”

Then Snake chuckled for a bit before he finished the last of his burger, "I'm just kidding, Kaz. I think I've murdered enough snakes to last a lifetime." Then he brought the sides to him and began eating those too. They taste surprisingly good too nevertheless. "Actually it's the upgrade on the Brennan. I think they developed something beyond tearing down watch towers this time."

Miller heaved a small inaudible sigh of relief. One could never be sure what a joke was given their actual R&D history – he’d never forget that one time R&D created a tank… out of freaking cardboard. He told Snake about it and had expected him to go “WTF” considering the time they wasted on that (maybe not so much money since cardboard was cheap) but little did he know then how much it in fact enthralled him. In comparison a toy snake just seemed so much more probable. “The Brennan?” He was aware Snake had been keeping that in his loadout these days. “I thought what you’ve been using was tactically sufficient? What exactly do you have in mind to destroy?”

Snake then looked at Miller with seriousness, using his hands as a natural illustration or out of reflex, he began explaining, "The problem is the gun ships. I know I can call for a launcher but it takes time and more importantly, unnecessary GMP cost. So I asked the team if the Brennan could possibly take down a gun ship in less than four bullets. They said to give them a week to develop with the blueprint they have on hand." Then he looked at his watch for a quick moment and continued, "It’s been 10 days now, so I decided to pop by and see if they’re really working on it. Quiet's tranq sniper should be worked on too. The other day when I was interrogating an enemy soldier, she shot me instead. I suppose accidents happen all the time."

“There you have it,” Miller would cross his arms if he could, his brows much furrowed. “She’s with Cipher and she’s after you while pretending to be with you. She shouldn’t be allowed to go on missions with you. In fact she shouldn’t be allowed anywhere at all.” His mind went back to the argument he had with Ocelot on this old topic and it pissed him off how opposing his ideas often seemed to be, almost as if it was done on purpose. But in the end the both of them knew that the decision was the boss’s alone and Venom had chosen to keep her, much to Miller’s dismay.

Snake smiled and shook his head slightly, "I know you don't like Quiet, Kaz, but Ocelot has a point. Without her that day I would've died on the chopper. I don't know her agenda for joining us, but I know that if the time calls for it, or if she does something defiant to our cause, rest assured that there won't be a second time." Then he patted Miller on the back and ushered him in the direction of the development room now that they were done eating. "Apart from that, I think a few tranqs aren’t going to take me down that easily. Do you not trust me, Kaz?"

“You do realize that if she didn’t save you on the chopper she’d be killing herself,” Miller spoke as if he was hissing, frustrated that no one else seemed to get _his_ point. “There won’t be a second time if she gets you first, you know that.” He didn’t mean to go against Venom or even Ocelot’s ideas. He knew – he could see – that Quiet was a highly useful asset but no one should trust or rely on an asset whose motives you don’t even know! Why is this so hard to understand?? Would they all have to lose him _again_ before they could see how wrong this is?? Does Ocelot want to get him killed? This makes no sense!

"I get it, Kaz." Snake sighed, and then he stopped in his tracks and looked at Miller seriously. "Would it make you feel better if I dismiss her?"

Miller stopped walking as well and looked back at the man, "Snake, it's not about me." This was not fair. He didn't say this so that Snake would change his mind about Quiet, in the name of giving Miller a peace of mind. It's not a favor for himself, it's for Venoms safety! Miller took a deep breath; he knew he was always quick to get agitated when it came to that...thing, whatever they called her. As good as it'd make him feel if boss dismissed her, he didn't want it to be for him. His pride wouldn't allow it. He breathed out slowly, "Let's go check out that Brennan."

Sensing Miller's dismissal, Snake, not sure why he felt the urge to immediately grab Miller by the arm to stop him, "Kaz." And once he slowed him, Snake continued to hold him, gently so he doesn't hurt him, and spoke, "I know you meant goodwill for my sake. I never doubted you. But right now we need the best man, and if Quiet happens to be it, all I can say is, I trust you'll have my back."

Miller could feel how firmly Snake was holding him. He knew this was his way of showing how serious he was and that he had meant that he trusted him. “But what if I can’t?” It was hard to describe the look on his face. He was not mad or vexed. They were standing in a public area and while there weren’t many people and most wouldn’t dare stare or eavesdrop on them, Miller had the common sense to not create a scene; it would do nothing but stir unnecessary unrest, and gossip, on Mother Base. “She’s a mutant.” He looked down at the arm that was no longer there. “I’m just a guy with a crutch.” He didn’t mean to argue with Venom, or to try his luck again getting him to dismiss her on his own accord, but he had to be realistic and Venom had to know that. What _could_ he do when they were the ones out on field while all he could do was watch them from behind a screen?

Snake felt the pain in those words. For someone who didn’t really care much for his emotional side, he knew he'd always had a soft spot for Miller. He would like to summarize it as the guilt he had for him for failing to rescue him in time, but it had been more than that. Looking at how Miller looked down at his arm that was no longer there, Snake felt that anguish once more. He almost never failed his missions and though he technically did rescue Miller, it didn't feel like he _saved_ him at all. "Hey," tightening his grip to catch Miller's attention, the Boss spoke firmly, "In case you forgot," and that was when he unraveled the strap on his stun arm and took the bionic arm off his limb, revealing an ugly scar of the past, broken and gone. "I'm not nearly as perfect as you think I am. We all have... lost a part of us. But it didn't stop us from moving on. Look at Mother Base. Look at all the work you and the boys have put in. Your leadership has brought us where we are today. You may think you're a man on a crutch, but you have a pair of eyes so keen I know you'll always me covered. You're not perfect, Kaz. But neither am I. That's why we have each other, to try to make us whole."

“That’s precisely why I can’t lose you, Snake.” Miller was touched with the way Snake put it but the problem remained. “My eyes can’t stop her from putting a bullet through your head…!” He hadn’t raised his voice, but rather emphasized on certain words. He thought about what could possibly stop, or at least try to rival her, in her field. Ironically he thought of the one guy he didn’t like giving too much credit to. “Ocelot could watch you better.” Well at least that’s one use the man’s got that Miller had to admit he was grateful for.

"This is no competition, Kaz. Everyone is doing their part. Quiet has had many chances to kill me if she really wanted, especially now that XOF is eliminated. But here she is, still sitting in her cell, waiting for debriefs. I offered to let her go since the work is done but she's still here. It doesn't add up what other plans she might have now that she's free to leave. She's still here and we're all still alive. I don't need you to show gratitude to her but please, trust me, Kaz. I've promised you that if she makes a false move it'll be her last. And Ocelot is watching her. So you'll have to watch over me, alright? This is no contest, we've been through enough wars to tell the difference between a friend and foe, or just a hired hand." Snake put his arm back on and looked away, wondering what else he could say to convince Miller. But all he said were truths, and there was nothing more honest than that.

“I wasn’t compet--“ Miller couldn’t believe Venom said that. He was just trying to make a point that he had no skills to fight that woman if it came down to battle and thought Ocelot would, as much as he hated to admit it, do a better job of ‘watching his back’. There were a few people around, most of who were minding their own business but there were female staffs too, he noticed, and he knew they had a higher tendency to observe and listen. It wouldn’t be funny if they started spreading ideas about how Miller subconsciously competed with the Ocelot (be it true or not), or however way they might twist it. “Alright…” Miller gave in. “You know I’ll always have your back, that’s a given. Just…” he sighed a little. “Be careful.”

Whatever made Miller agree with Snake then had relieved him. He didn't want his precious evening to revolve around something that was already fixed. He understood Miller's concern but he found them very misplaced. But this was Miller. Worry was a part of him no matter if Snake disregarded it. "So... I heard the soldiers have come up with a day for celebration for our victory. Something like Peace Day... but with a terrible name. I think it was called Venom's day. I think we need some real, original ideas."

Snake was a relatively serious person, at least he had been since he woke up from his coma and came back to Miller. He had his ‘crazier’ days before that but he had been consistently more solemn for a while now so for Miller to hear what he just said bemused him more than anyone would expect. "Did you just make that up?" He wore this look of disbelief with a small curl in his lips.

Venom looked blankly at Miller, wondering why he would say that. "I overheard it when I was testing out the city cardboard box upgrade that R&D told me about. The one where you can now put stickers on? Is there something wrong with the soldiers having some fun? Though Venom Day is really, really a bad name." Even though Snake didn’t have a preference for almost anything, he knew 'Venom Day' sounded really horrible for a name.

 _So he’s serious._ “No there’s nothing wrong of course,” Miller started walking again if they were ever going to reach the R &D department anytime soon. “Maybe they were thinking of you when they decided that. You work day in and out risking your life, I say it makes a lot of sense to think that _you_ deserve a break and they named it after you.”

"A break?" Venom stopped to think about it, "Like where? Even if I can use a real vacation, I won't know where to go." Venom wanted to say America but he knew he was a wanted man there, and something about not being able to really go home ached him in some ways. But then, when he looked at Miller with the same thought in mind, he couldn’t help but ask, "Don't you ever go home, Kaz? You're part Japanese aren't you?"

“My mother’s gone a long time ago,” Miller couldn’t remember if he’d ever shared this with Snake before. “There’s nothing I can say I miss about japan. This is where my home is now. The only people left I care about are here,” he looked ahead of him seeing that they were arriving at the main R&D room soon. “A vacation or day off doesn’t mean you have to go somewhere. Just take a break. Rest. Close your eyes, laze around. I won’t be watching or breathing down your neck, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” There was that small smile again.

"Well. I don't think you breathe down my neck harder than all the other soldiers including Ocelot and Quiet." Snake let out a small smile. "It doesn't bother me when you do that anyway. If you don't, you wouldn't be the Kaz I know. Though speaking of which, if I could, visiting Japan would be an ideal holiday for me. I can't forget the taste of those instant ramen I had in Russia..."

"Haha!" Miller laughed out loud. "If you really want that so badly we can always import several containers’ worth for everyone. But if you're in Japan, though, you might as well try something fresh, like sushi or ramen."

"Really? We can actually import it?" Snake couldn't believe what he's hearing. It never crossed his mind to think that it was actually possible. It had been so long.

"Yes Snake, we can." he could hear the genuine note of surprise in voice and he was equally surprised why he would find it that to believable. "It'll be the first thing on my list of procurements tomorrow." He wondered why he had never thought of doing this earlier himself. Perhaps he didn't know Snake liked and wanted it this much. It was not the most nutritional food after all.

Snake nodded in agreement. Never did he think that after almost twenty years he would have the chance to taste instant ramen again. He remembered how everyone was in praises for this wonderful invention, how delightful it tasted as compared to snakes, rations and weird 'edible' things. Now that he had the luxury of normal food, even hamburgers, he wondered what more he could actually ask for. There was going to be a 'Venom Day' right? "So, Kaz. About Venom Day... what do you plan to do?"

“If Venom day were to be the day you take a _full_ day’s break, what I plan to do is to make sure you stay _out_ of work. One day’s not going to be enough for a trip to Japan, though, but don’t worry I’ll work that out with Ocelot,” by that Miller meant that he’d find a way to fool (without going too far) Mother Base in case they wonder how why the boss was ‘on holiday’ for more than a day, not that anyone of them would complain.

"Well you know technically I can't stay out of work because who's gonna approve all those documents and upgrades if I'm not around?" Snake smiled, trying to joke a little but understanding that Miller was trying his best to make it work for 'Venom Day'. "Also, if I'm not around, what's Venom Day without the Venom around?" That he laughed, almost unable to believe his own ears that he was saying something remotely 'funny' like that. "Wouldn't you agree, Kaz?"

“Documents?” Miller looked surprised. “Upgrades and developments are your call but documents and papers are my thing.” To be honest he still was not used to signing or writing for that matter, with his left hand. He spent most of his time supporting Snake and going back to his office to sign papers almost felt like a joke, but he’d rather that than resort to thumb prints. “I suppose Venom day without Venom is strange. I just thought you might prefer the privacy than to be paraded around,” Miller gave him a small smile as they approached the door to the main R&D lab.

"Maybe," Snake spoke softly as he stopped at the door, "Maybe some peace and quiet would be nice. But it's not about what I want, Kaz. Venom Day is the soldiers' day, so after a year of commanding them around, I guess at least we get to give into their needs on this day if they so desire. I wouldn't mind a few hours to myself, that being said though since you offered." And then Venom walked up to Miller and instinctively, not-sure-why, swept his fingers through the stray strands on Miller's side before he looked at his comrade, "I would assume you'd be there with me? To spend Venom Day."

Miller hadn’t realized his hair was not perfectly kept, remembering now that he had taken his beret off and it was with Venom and that Venom had not actually returned it to him. He knew it wasn’t messy, though, so when a hand suddenly came up to his face to sweep some of those strands away, he was only able to hide the look of surprise thanks to his shades, but the little flinch probably gave a bit away. “First I’ll need a consensus on when that day actually is and it’ll take time going through SOP before it’s official,” Miller had not expected for Venom to actually be this serious about this “but yeah… That is, if you’ve not had enough of me yet.” He meant that as a joke, of course. Really.

Venom, looking baffled, questioned, "Why would I be tired of you, Kaz?" He then realize that flinch from Miller was probably him being uncomfortable with the idea that he proposed and that now he's just trying to dismiss him nicely, "But hey, if you rather be on your own then go ahead. I don't wanna force you to do something you don't want to. I'm not exactly the most fun person to be around with that I know."

Miller was surprised again. What had he said to make Venom think that? He thought about how he should react to this without seeming defensive or disappointed but he couldn’t seem to find a proper reply fast enough; someone on the other side of the door cleared his throat and asked, “Can I open this door now?” It was a voice they were both familiar with.

Snake recognized the voice on point and opened the door, "I hope you haven't been eavesdropping all day." And when the door swung open, it was indeed the Shalashaska on the other side, probably here to check out on the R&D team himself as well. "Surprise to see you here at R&D. You're always on Intel base aren't you?"

“I would love to but regretfully time isn’t on my side,” Ocelot gave them both a meaningfully cheeky smile. He hadn’t been eavesdropping of course, because if he had intended so he wouldn’t have resorted to the biggest tactical failure of a method that was to listen through a door. They were Diamond Dogs for goodness sake, there was no lack of proper tactic, technique or technology to do this right. He glanced at Miller and gave him a nod, acknowledging his presence. The two of them didn’t always see eye to eye (not that Ocelot ever took it personally) but they were professionals and they knew how to keep it that way. “DD.” Ocelot called out and the one eyed wolf-- uh…dog ran up to him. He was equipped with a new suit that Venom had not seen before. “They just completed development on his new suit (fulton/medic) and I came to tes—“ DD suddenly barked when he saw Venom at the door and leaped at him, but Miller was standing so close DD jumped into him as well and knocked his balance off.  

DD jumped at him as he kept barking Venom excitedly like he did when he was still that tiny little puppy that couldn't even jump into his chopper. Some things never change, Venom reminded himself. He was grabbing onto the hound firmly for a moment before he realized Miller was struggling to maintain his balance since DD knocked his crutch off his arm unexpectedly. Venom immediately dropped DD to the ground as he reached out for Miller, his bionic arm grabbing the fabric of his large coat before he clasped onto solid flesh, not realizing it was across his back. He then yanked Miller forward who fell straight into his arms, almost as light as feather before their eyes met, "You alright, Kaz?" 

It took Miller maybe two seconds to realize he had tripped into Venom’s arms. His good arm was stuck against Venom’s chest but instinct had made him grip tightly against whatever his hand had landed on, which was Venom’s sneaking suit. He blinked behind his shades (only Venom could see through) and noticed Venom’s face close to his, but didn’t know for sure which was more embarrassing – the fact he fell in front of Ocelot, showing how fragile he was, or the fact this looked like a scene from some girl’s (shoujo) manga. “…Help me up?” He had never been more thankful for his shades than he was now. DD continued to bark happily, his tail wagging hard, patiently waiting for Venom to give him some attention. “DD, quiet.” Ocelot ordered and DD went silent immediately, now sitting on the floor with a tongue sticking out. And then Ocelot picked up Miller’s dropped crutch.

It wouldn't have crossed Venom's mind even once if it had been some other soldier who fell and needed assistance that he would find this situation awkward but with Miller he couldn’t quite say. He looked at Miller through his shades, a very faint blink of his eyes when his face was but some inches away from him, looking shocked and somewhat... if he guessed correctly, embarrassed? Maybe Miller was embarrassed at his fragility, Venom told himself, so when the blonde immediately asked to help him up, he did. He let go off him but kept his grip firm around his arms until Miller had his crutch back from Ocelot. Thankfully no one else was around to see this, Miller would've been enraged, he believed. He didn't enjoy looking weak, this much Venom knew. Reason why he has never treated him like one, handicapped or not. "You alright, Kaz?" He waited for Miller to stand steadily on both feet before he asked, a hand reaching to rub DD's fur on its head.

“Yeah,” Miller regained his balance with the crutch in his hand. “I’m fine.” It was an awkward (and somewhat embarrassing) moment and he avoided staring back at Venom in the eyes (cause Ocelot was right there) but Miller knew there was nothing to blame. The dog, a fiercely competent and loyal comrade, was merely excited to see Venom, the guy it shed sweat and blood with. Regretfully Miller was not all too close with DD; he would have liked to pet and interacted with him even right now (after all he was _the_ very example of a Diamond Dog that he was so proud of), but to kneel and touch him when his only arm relied on his crutch and the inability to get back on his feet by himself made it unnecessarily inconvenient. He knew that sometimes… just… a few times, he was envious that Ocelot shared yet another connection with Snake through DD, which he couldn’t. “Sorry about that,” Ocelot said as he handed Miller his crutch. “I should have known he’d jump.” “It’s fine, really,” Miller knew Ocelot meant well but some part of him just didn’t like that it’s another validation of his weakness. Meanwhile, DD leaned into Venom’s touch affectionately.

Venom looked at Miller, who seemed to be grabbing onto his crutch tighter, and laid DD on the ground on his paws. He then pushed DD sideways almost as if to topple him which DD willingly obliged, and laid on his side like a real dog for his master. It had been a while since he had seen DD, since he had been bringing Quiet with him instead these past few missions. He still remembered the day he saved his furry friend, and rubbed his hand over his wolf(?) fur endearingly. Then he sat down, uncharacteristic of him and brought DD to his lap. "Kaz?" He then reached his hand out towards Miller, just like how Miller sometimes did for him, "Touch the damn dog for once," he laughed, trying to defuse the awkward moment they just shared just a moment ago.

Miller looked down at Venom, willing to oblige but unwilling as to _how_. He just got back on his feet, he was not about to find a way to kneel again – the difficulty of this feat was no joke. Ocelot was quick to catch on his predicament, however, and he smoothly slipped in a suggestion, “DD loves it under his chin. Boss, you might want to carry him up for Miller to reach that spot.”

"Oh." Venom looked at Ocelot in amazement, noticing how close those two have bonded now. So he quickly got to his feet, hands cupping DD's belly as he brought the hound up with him, balancing him on his two hind paws before he carried his beloved pup up in his arms, leaning his weight against his body. "God I hadn't realize how big you've actually grown DD." And awkwardly, he positioned the pup in front of Miller and waited to see his response.

Miller looked down at the perpetually happy wolf; DD still had his tongue out, unfocused and looking at both Miller and Ocelot (cause he can’t see Venom like this), likely curious about what this unfamiliar held up position was about. Miller let go of his crutch slowly and laid it against himself. He could stand still without the crutch but still it required some balancing. Once confident he held his hand out to touch DD on his head between the ears. Even with his gloves he could still feel how thick his fur was. “He’s a good buddy.” “He is,” Ocelot agreed with much pride, the smile on his face evident. After all DD was the closest thing to ‘something he raised’. “You were going to bring him out for suit testing?” Miller moved his hand under DD’s chin and rubbed it – DD clearly enjoyed the massage as he had now closed his eyes. “I was,” Ocelot folded his arms. “Until you two made it hard for me to leave this place.” Miller’s hand stopped moving almost immediately as he recalled what the conversation with Venom was about just moments ago. He didn’t know how to respond, because anything that came to mind would only make it more awkward, and above all, he did _not_ want Ocelot to know what they were talking about (if he hadn’t heard it already).

DD Stared at his owners, wondering what are they talking about but was glad someone was petting him for sure. But Venom noticed the shift in Miller when Ocelot mentioned the moment just now. Well he was helping Miller...right? Was Miller embarrassed by that? "Well, you should get going, it's late after all." So he hinted to Ocelot as he put DD down on its feet. "Kaz and I gotta go for our weapons test anyways." He wanted to speak to Miller privately at least.

 _Our weapons test?_ Ocelot thought to himself the boss’s choice of words. With Miller’s condition there was no way any weapon test would be for him so this could only mean it was the boss’s business, but he called it _theirs_. He smiled to himself, noting how Venom was subconsciously behaving. “Right,” he gestured a ‘come on’ to DD and the wolf got up on its feet ready to go immediately. “It’s good to see you in the flesh, Boss.” He gave Miller a light nod to excuse himself and with that he walked away with DD following closely. Miller mentally heaved a sigh of relief, glad that this didn’t have to go on too long. He had nothing (too) personal against him and he was an efficient colleague, but still he would prefer not to be around him when it didn’t concern supporting/assisting the boss on missions. Somehow it felt like Ocelot’s watching him, discerning, for whatever purpose. It was uncomfortable and gave him no peace of mind. “Shall we go?” Miller held onto his crutch again.

"Yeah, of course." Venom made the first move as he passed through the door, keeping it open so that Miller could follow suit behind with ease. It was nice, for once, to see these two men not biting at each other's throats due to their differences. But Venom was even gladder that their earlier conversation about Quiet wasn't around Ocelot. He knew how Miller would react to it and he didn't want him to think that he was siding Ocelot just because he approved of the lady sniper on his missions. His thoughts were soon interrupted when a soldier came up to them and saluted. Venom dismissed him quickly and asked him about his weapon test. "So, where's my gun?"

And so the soldier led them to the developed weapons room and briefed Venom on the upgraded gun, which apparently had now been renamed to Serval. While Venom busied himself with it, Miller walked around the room greeting the people, complimenting them on their work and encouraging them to keep it up. He knew that he easily came across to people as stern, grouchy, or however they might have described him, but it was never his intention to be that way. Life was not a bed of roses and he knew he had his moments of angst but it didn’t mean he shouldn’t try to rectify that. It would be meaningless if their people followed him and the boss out of fear, or money, and not be connected as one sharing a vision and purpose. When he was done making his rounds, he walked back to Venom who was right about done with the technical briefing. “Do you need to test that?”

Venom felt the weight of the gun; it felt just like the Brennan except its aim was more cohesive and easier to handle. Since it was also an anti-material rifle, its weight was to be expected, even though it was less bulky now. However since he wasn't a big fan of mass murder, he figured this was good just for tearing down buildings and armored vehicles. "Unless we have a tank to blow up, I think it's good. What do you think, Kaz?"

Kaz gave the gun a quick look over, “I think it’s fine, although carrying this around would weigh you down. I suggest we drop it for you whenever you need it and keep yourself light all other times.” He faced the soldier who was speaking to the boss. “Impressive work, keep it up.”

"Sounds good, Kaz. But I think the soldiers can prep for live fire with this one tomorrow since I'd be out on a side op Ocelot filled in this morning on the iDroid. I believe Mother Base is in a shortage for tanks." Venom smiled meekly before he returned the sniper rifle to the soldiers. "The design's good, soldier. Keep up the good work." And then he walked towards Miller and asked, "Now that we're done here, what do you suggest next?"

Miller thought to himself for a really brief moment before he looked at his watch, “I guess we still have some time before it’s too late. If you aren’t leaving too early tomorrow morning for the op, would you accompany me back to my office?” He hoped it hadn’t sounded strange on any note.

Venom nodded and went to his side, "Sure, let's go Kaz." He agreed without hesitation, a slight merriment inside him when he thought about the way Miller requested something so small out of him. Of course he'd obliged. "I'll drive."

“Let’s take the chopper,” Miller counter suggested. “Support base is rather far from here.”

The chopper arrived at the helipad a few minutes after Venom called for it. As they waited for it to land, a soldier brought a step-stool over, something every helipad was equipped with just for Miller. “Good evening, Boss,” Pequod greeted them both from the pilot’s seat.

Venom watched the soldier as he placed the stool before the chopper. Granted that was some height that wouldn't be manageable for kids or teens. Remembering when DD was still small he couldn't get up on the chopper with ease too. Now looking at Miller, Venom felt a slight wince in his heart again. How this plight that Miller was in... was all because of him. Hence immediately he went to his aid; he slid his arm around Miller's waist, pulling his body close to him as his other hand kept him steady, a firm pressure down his chest. "Here, let me, Kaz," he said confidently, "It's not every day I get to help you in any way I can since you're so goddamn independent already." He smiled at the blonde just to reassure him this was no sympathy – it was just what he wanted to do.

Strangely it was always a comforting feeling to have Snake hold him around his body. His hold was firm but always gentle; it provided an odd yet pleasant sense of protection and… possession, which Miller mostly brushed away in his head. He didn’t want to get too comfortable to a point he started wishing it lasted longer than these few seconds. “Thanks,” he said, perhaps a little soft with the loud spinning chopper blades right above them. It was funny the way Snake put it – “get to help you”. It was as if this was something he enjoyed or looked forward to on a regular basis. What was so enjoyable about helping the physically disadvantaged?

Venom nodded at him to acknowledge his permission. Slowly he allowed Miller to shift the weight of his not-so-good leg onto the floor of the chopper, feeling the strain of his weight resting on the other good half of his body. It must have been such a toll on his body, to have to climb on and off the chopper like this. Venom would have gladly offered to drive him all the way there but he didn't want to sound like Miller was a hassle to handle. He was not, and never would be. He waited for the blonde to catch his breath, getting ready to load his remaining weight onto the chopper and that was when Venom felt the urge to grab hold of him strongly from behind, wrapping his arms tightly (albeit not too tightly with his bionic arm) so Miller didn’t feel the fear of slipping, that he's got him safe in his arms. "Hey," he spoke loudly in the midst of the chopper hurling, "Don't worry. I've got you, Kaz."

Suddenly Miller felt the grip tighten around his body, which surprised him a little since he was not slipping. “I’m fine,” he reassured Venom, unsure why he was so worried. But it was true that once you got on the chopper, the tough part was dragging your ass onto the seat as he was unable to balance himself well with a bent prosthetic knee (because one can’t stand up to his full height while in a chopper).

Venom waited for Miller to get onto the chopper and once he was in, it was a matter of wriggling his way to the seat. He let go of his hands at this point, not wanting to look like he didn't trust Miller to take care of himself since he knew it was a touchy subject. Instead he waited for help to be asked, in this case not so much as Miller bent his body over in the cramp space of the chopper, slowly but surely made his way to the seat next to the door. Venom took the crutch from him once he sat down. "Looks like you got it all covered as usual, Kaz. I wasn't really needed after all" He laughed as he stood before Kaz buckling him up before going back to his usual seat. 

And so they arrived at Support base and boss helped Miller off the chopper as usual (getting off was always so much faster/easier than getting on). Then Miller led Snake to his office. Now that he thought of it, he didn’t recall the boss ever stepping in before. There was never really any reason for him to be here, after all. It was always either the wild or his own little bedroom (if ever), which he insisted should be small because he didn’t need the space, and that it should be on the medical platform just in case anything went wrong with Quiet. He still kept the previous room on the Command platform, though, before Mother Base expanded this much, so he still had a choice. Miller opened the door to his office, turned on the lights and gestured at the couch against the wall, “Take a seat.” His room was neat, and really formal looking, but the colors were woody and the lighting warm, which gave it a cozy feel still.

"I didn't know you had such a nice office." Venom said as he stepped into the room, felt more than impressed than what he saw in Miller's own room. "You used to be such a lad who didn't even bother keeping your room clean at all and look how you've changed." Venom smiled as he took a seat, now genuinely impressed at this couch for he had not felt such comfort in a long time. He could use a break like this.

“Come on, I wasn’t that bad,” Miller chuckled a little, not quite recalling the good old days that were lost to him forever. “People come into this room you know,” he made his way behind his work table. “Soldiers, new recruits. We can build our reputation and spread our name over time, but there is only one chance for a first impression. If I don’t look the part I wouldn’t be doing my job, and if I’m not doing this right…” Miller paused for a moment, thinking about how he needed to quit this bad habit of repeating his sour stories of vengeance. “Well, you already know how much this place means to me.”

"It's always nice to see you pick up something new in your lifestyle. Of course having a fancy room would probably better suit your taste now to impress the girls around here." Then he laughed for a moment, "But don't go fooling around too much alright? I don't want to have to manhandle you again," of course Venom meant this as a joke, but it was also partly true since he had done it once before.

Miller let out a low ironic chuckle, “That is if there’s anything left in me that I can use to impress.” He opened a drawer in his table and took out something that looked like a small box.

“You must be joking," Venom chuckled for a brief moment, "You always impress me, Kaz. And what's there you got in the box?" Venom can't help but ask since he sighted it.

“Uh huh, like what?” Miller wasn’t sure what Venom was talking about but since he mentioned it he had to admit he was curious to know what Venom honestly thought of him. Was he business smart? Was it his competence at rebuilding Mother Base? Was he good with a gun despite his state? Yeah, maybe. But none of that would impress a woman so he sure had no idea what he was talking about. Meanwhile his fingers worked to open the little box.

"Like how you'd devote yourself to the one thing you would give your entire life for if you really wanted it. That nothing will ever stop you from ever achieving it—if you want to achieve it." For some weird reason Venom hadn't realize how easily these words came to his lips when he wasn't really a master of words. Interestingly enough, he didn't think he could be anymore honest about it.

“That stuff doesn’t impress girls, Snake.” Finally he managed to open the little box and he pulled something out. “Here, catch this.” Miller threw it over at Venom who caught it with one hand. He opened his hand to see a cigar. A real one. From Cuba no less.

Venom clearly wasn't expecting a cigar, much less a Cuban. He grinned playfully, unable to contain his excitement, then slide the length of the cigar across his nose and took a whiff—it was the real stuff, rich and dark. "I—" he stopped for a moment before he asked again, "I thought you didn't like me smoking?" Then again he couldn’t help but search his pants for a light. Obviously he didn't have one, and he hoped Miller wasn’t without one either.

Now Miller pulled out a lighter from the same drawer and threw it at Snake. “It can’t always just be about me,” he replied with a small tinge of melancholy as he thought about the past that Snake had shared with him on the jeep during their drive to R&D base earlier. Most everyone in their line had their own versions of a past they dreaded, losses they wished could be reclaimed, regrets untold. It wasn’t every day that Snake would share something that personal from a time long past. Triggering it probably hadn’t felt good for him either considering its complications. As a close friend beyond a comrade, Miller wished to undo whatever unpleasant memories that might have been pulled to the surface (although it was likely Snake would have shrugged all that off by now). Miller figured it was only fair that he allowed Snake his preferred medium of comfort once in a while. (Though this was technically the first in a damn, long time) “You deserve it.”

It was weird hearing these words from Miller. They had been with each other building MSF, Mother Base for years. Even though there had been a blank of nine years, Venom felt as though no time had been lost. The last person before he passed out was Miller, and though he wasn't the first he saw, he was the first on the list of people to rescue ASAP. It was precisely because of that that Venom had trained twice as hard to get back his older self, and he knew that there was no room for screw-ups. Looking at the lighter he caught in his hand, he gripped it tightly before he flicked its smooth metal case, slid his calloused thumb along its gear before the sound of a small spark was heard, and the butane flame ignited. He lit the tip of his cigar, watching it burn slowly and the ashes formed. "I deserve nothing, Kaz," he spoke solemnly, placing the other tip between his lips, inhaling, " All I know is kill. A man who kills... deserves nothing."

“Says the man who lit his cigar right away,” Miller let out a small laugh and closed the drawer before moving over to the couch and sitting on the empty side (it’s a two-seater). “How does it feel? It’s your first real smoke in more than a decade.”

Venom chuckled at that, "No man can resist a good smoke, man or soldier." He took another hit, and then another, the feel of its addictive poisonous nicotine rushing through his lungs, the bitterness down his throat, on his lips, in his mouth, It's a bittersweet nostalgia he would say. He watched Miller as he sat next to him, the sides of their bodies touching but it felt comfortable, this closeness. "Good... very good." He pressed the cigar between his lips and leaned back into the couch, his arms naturally spread over the back of the soft cushion. "And I have the best company with me."

Miller put his crutch away against the side of the couch and comfortably laid his back against it. “Well that’s good to know,” Miller watched Venom as he slowly enjoyed his puff. “Wouldn’t make for a proper treat if it fails to please you.”

"Well, I'm pretty happy to have your company today, Kaz." Venom spoke matter-of-factly as he took another whiff of the heavy stuff, before he took it off his lips and shove at Miller, "Ever curious how it tastes like?"

Miller’s first reaction was to raise a brow. He had smoked cigarettes before when he was younger (and reckless) but he had never tried cigars and for some reason never wondered, but the bigger thing was Snake also had never asked him to try. At most he just told him why it was so great. Now one might wonder why he'd have a box of cigars in his drawer if he didn't smoke, but truth was it wasn't a box. It was just one cigar he kept in a box, solely as a memento of Snake when he was comatose for a long time. He hadn't been curious how it tasted before and he still wasn't curious, but boss offering his cigar was a first and that in itself was something Miller could find no reason to reject in this moment of comfort and privacy. "Funny you'd ask." he leaned over towards Venom’s hand and placed his lips around the butt, taking a slow yet deep puff without holding it with his own hand.

Actually Venom wasn't expecting Miller to take the hit. He had never really seen the man smoke, just assumed that he didn't. But when he did, Venom couldn’t help but watch the grace in him, like a true rookie but... it was his rookie. "Well cigars are usually a little hardcore compared to cigarettes." But Miller took it anyway without warning. It made him hold his breath for whatever reason, and instinctively leaned forward to catch him if the smoke gets to him too much. "How is it?"

Miller let go and breathed out, the unfamiliarity with the taste making him cough a little towards the end of his exhalation. “Smells like you,” Miller almost chuckled but ended up coughing a little again. “Probably too rich for me though.” He removed his shades and placed it on the little table beside the couch to rub at an eye.

"I didn't know I smell like a walking cigar," Venom chuckled and then placed the cigar between his lips, smoking it again. He took another puff before he held the cigar between his fingers away from Miller, "Something wrong with your eye?"

“Ten years ago you did,” His lips curled into a small smile as he continued to rub his eye gently. “Might have been the smoke,” he answered. “Just a minor irritation.”

"Let me have a look at it," Venom said almost instantly, just wanted to make sure Miller was okay since his eyes were irritated by the smoke he was causing and well... he should remember he had sensitive eyes too. He leaned over, shadowing Miller a little bit as he stared into his eyes, "I would smell the same if only you had let me smoke the real deal than some electronic ones. Unless you didn't like me smelling like a walking chimney."

Miller turned to face Venom, his left eye shut to avoid further irritation, the corner of his shut eye a little wet from the rubbing. “You know it’s not about the smell,”  he chose not to say more cause he figured Snake already knew the real reason and this was just banter.

"Well, if it weren't the smoke then what is it?" Venom tried to get Miller to open his eyes but the tears told him that maybe it was best for him to snuff the cigar out. "You got an ashtray?"

“Hey, it’s alright,” Miller moved away from Snake to stay further from the smoke, hoping that would convince him he’d be fine at this distance. This cigar was supposed to be a rare gift, he wouldn’t allow him to sacrifice it for his sake just because he chose to take a puff or sit near him. “Go on and finish it.” And Miller had no ashtray; he didn’t smoke after all.

"Cigars are meant to be savored, not to be finished in one go. It already comes by as rarely as you offer me, and I have no intention of rushing something this luxurious." Venom let out a comforting smile to himself and then snuffed the burning tip under his military boot. It would scuff it a bit, but it wouldn’t be ruined. "Next time I'll bring an ashtray, and I hope you'll be ready with more cigars." He thought that made a perfection excuse to come by and check on Miller, at least to see him. "Are your eyes better now?"

Miller blinked a few times. It was not tearing anymore but there was a bit of red left in the corner of his eye. “It’s fine, I think. It might have just been from the smoke I breathed out.” He looked at the cigar that Venom had just snuffed out. “If one cigar lasts a few rounds I wouldn’t need to stock up anytime soon. You do realize you’re not smoking that anywhere outside this room.” Miller had convinced himself that it was okay for Venom to smoke once in a while but he certainly didn’t mean for it to be an open thing. If Ocelot found out about this he’d be feeding him cigars every day and there would be no need for Miller.

"And why is it that I won't be able to smoke it outside this room? You won't let me?" Venom couldn’t help but let out a laugh, wondering what made Miller so demanding (sort of) about this smoking habit of his. He was so used to smoking, but after a nine year hibernation the urge had faded quite a fair bit, though it wasn't as if he would reject it if someone offered. He wondered if Miller was just worried about his health or if he thought his cigar might trigger something on the base that he was unaware of. He could never be too sure with Miller.

"Indeed I won't, " Miller reached his hand out and took the cigar off Snake's fingers and quickly slipped it inside his coat so that Snake couldn't try rob it back. "I can't have the others thinking it's okay for you to smoke again and shower you with an infinite supply."

"Hey!" Venom was taken by surprise when Miller took it back from him and slipped it away inside his coat. Was it really that bad for him to smoke, now he wondered, but first things first, he told himself. "C'mon Kaz, you can't just recall a gift." He put his hand out, palm side up, and asked nicely with a smirk, "Return it and I shall be nice about it."

Miller laughed softly, finding it amusing what Snake said. “You mean you could actually be not nice about it?” He recalled the ‘manhandling’ he once had from a long, long time ago, but that was then and he had probably deserved it. But now he couldn’t begin to imagine what Snake, with all that kindness in him, could do to a friend with disadvantage.

"Of course," Venom smirked, "There are plenty of ways to be not nice about it... even for you, Kaz." Venom looked all over Miller, trying to give him some discomfort as he stared at the pocket where he hid the cigar. "C'mon, you don't want to know what I'll do to you, right?"

Miller stared back at him as if accepting the challenge, but soon softened and gave in. “Alright,” he took the cigar out from his coat and held it out for Venom but not placing it in the hand he had extended. “You can have it back, Boss.” He smiled and watched as Venom moved his hand to take it, and that was when he pulled it away again, laughing. “Got you.”

Oh wow. Did Venom really just see what Miller did? He felt rather amazed at it, surprised that the blonde was actually playing with him... having fun with him. It was rare, goddamn rare to see Miller at ease with him just like those years back in MSF. Venom had missed those days, when they could be fighting without so much hate as they bore now, to see Miller smile like the chum he was ten years ago. "Now you've done it," Venom laughed, "You're gonna get it." And he loomed over him and went straight for his hand, albeit gentle, trying not to hurt the man. He forgot the proximity he had closed into at that moment. He forgot the weight he pressed onto Miller and he laughed like a child... "Give it to me, Kaz."

Miller had leaned away from Venom to keep his hand that was holding the cigar away from him, but when Venom closed in and loomed over him, he had to lean even further away that, without his right hand to prop himself up, the sudden movement caused his body to fall backwards onto the couch. Instinctively Miller closed his eyes when his head hit the soft armrest. It didn’t hurt so when he opened his eyes there was no pain or confusion in his head that could cloud his understanding of the awkwardness of his current situation and position. The cigar was still tight his fingers. He knew he was supposed to give it back, but with Snake looming above him like yet another girls’ manga scenario, he was actually unable to find the right words, or any response for that matter. All he knew was that he was unable to move and that he suddenly felt warm with tension.

Catching Miller in his current position was not part of any plan. It was all playful so to speak, and this wasn't supposed to happen. There was an awkward silence between them that Venom couldn't hear, because all he was thinking was something else. Or more like _evaluating_. He had been close with Miller, but it had never been this close. They were brothers-in-arms, partners and comrades; they had been through hell and back. They were so much more than relationships could ever define. But now... now that he looked at Miller, something else sparked deeply. His translucent eyes beamed back at him, almost casting a reflection of himself in his eyes, making him realize how he had never paid such attention to Miller. Not that it was ever required but... right now, looking at him made his heart race ever so slightly. Those worn-out eyes of restless nights, unshaven beard, these were what made Miller. "Kaz..." Venom spoke softly, not sure what words he was trying to gather but he didn't will himself to get off him either. "I...." he couldn't seem to find his words, what he had truly wanted to say to him, for the matter of the cigar had slipped his mind completely. But strangely he realized Miller hadn't shoved him away either. "I just..."

Honestly Miller was, for some reason he himself hadn’t affirmed, quite blanked out. It was an awkward position, yes, and he had not initiated to move out of it yet, yes he knew that. But he had thought that Venom would probably pull back and help him up or something – he didn’t know, really – but it would seem that Venom was not getting up either and they still remained physically close. He hadn’t thought about what he would or should do if it came to this cause _why_ would it come to this? Why would Venom keep this position and mumble to him one word responses that he couldn’t figure ( ~~or hope)~~ what they could possibly lead into? He continued to stare back at him, his lips slightly apart and his throat dry, half-wondering if he should interrupt him or wait for a full, proper line – whatever it was Venom might be trying to say to him. He only realized he had chosen the latter when he couldn’t find anything relevant to interrupt him with. Maybe there were things, like the cigar in his fingers, or the documents awaiting him on his table, but at this moment all these ‘irrelevant’ matters couldn’t fight the curiosity for what Venom was thinking.

'Right....' That's what Venom thought to himself, 'What am I trying to say now?' was the second thing he asked himself. What had he wanted to say, why was he stumbling over words like that? It wasn't as though he wasn't trying to get out of this awkward situation, he could have easily willed himself out of it if he had just tried but his mind was a solid blank. Venom had never been a master of words, and often he had found himself unable to cope with certain ways he felt around certain people, reason why he had no idea what to do with his feelings, let alone saying it out loud. But now with Miller, he knew there was nothing he wouldn't share with him, or be uncomfortable to say. But what about Miller? Would it be weird for him to just tell him “I've never taken a closer look at your eyes until now”? Did it sound weird? Did it mean weird? Venom didn't know. But if anything that was the first thing he had been thinking about since they landed on each other like this, especially since Miller had his shades off, which was more than uncommon. "I...." Venom then instinctively stroke the back of his hand along Miller's cheek and spoke softly, "I... I think your eyes are beautiful, Kaz." But he regretted saying it immediately, as quickly as those words came out, "--I didn't mean it like a weird kinda way, just..."

Miller blinked in reflex when he felt – was that Snake’s? – a hand touch his face. His breathing got a little harder as he tensed a little from the touch, but then he heard what Venom said. Something about his eyes. Did he just compliment him on his eyes? _His_ eyes? Had he misheard it? These are the pairs of eyes he was just lucky he still had after what he went through and for all he knew they were damaged. He was damaged. And not a single part of his damaged body didn’t remind him of all that he had lost – no it was not just about his limbs. He was broken. He was incomplete. And with it came so much anger and hate, both of which reflected strongly in his diluted eyes. How? How could this be ‘beautiful’? He continued to search for an appropriate response - should he argue with him on the definition of the adjective? Or should he just accept and laugh it off? The former sounded easier and in some way more natural to go with but he didn’t realize he already gave a response, though only Venom could see it – a tear trickling down the corner of his eye.

The sudden jerk of tear from Miller made Venom pull back slightly. He watched as the tear trickled from the corner of his eye down his temple. It was subtle, silent, and almost painful to watch. Venom felt his heart wince for Miller had never shed a tear in front of anybody, not even when MSF was destroyed before their eyes. The vulnerability that Miller extended to him was a gift, something so precious Venom knew he might never see it again. And thus something inside called out to him, something his mind could not decipher an answer to but which was likely the instinct to react rather than to respond. And as such, Venom found himself reaching out to Miller, his hands slid beneath Miller and curled up to cup his head in his arms, his human fingers running through his blonde strands as his body rested upon Miller in gradual descent. He didn't know why he reacted the way he did, but he didn't question his reason for it either. His heart simply told him to do so, and he did as one entity with his mind.

"Don't Kaz," he spoke softly into his ears. "There's nothing to cry about. You're still you as you were before 9 years ago."

Miller was caught off guard when Venom pulled him into his arms. Before he could gather any thought he felt the man rest his weight on him as he was pulled into a warm embrace, his head tucked against the crook of Venom’s neck. His embrace was strong yet gentle, and somehow it provided a pleasant sense of comfort and assurance that Miller didn’t know he had sought. Venom told him not to cry, but was he crying? Had he…? This was strange, Miller hadn’t realized that, not until Venom pulled his head close and he felt the moist between their skins. This was embarrassing. Did he just openly showcase his weakness to the boss, lying down and defenseless on an office couch no less?? He could tell that Venom was sensitive and careful with his choice of words and actions and he was thankful for that. They had been body-to-body close before with all the help Venom often extended to him on the chopper and all, but obviously it wasn’t like this. This was emotional. Venom wanted to ease his mind of the ugly thoughts he often harbored that hurt himself more than anything. He was always so nice.

Miller’s tear ended there as he slowly raised his good arm to wrap around Venom’s broad shoulder, accepting all this. “You sure know how to comfort a broken man,” he closed his eyes and smiled softly, leaning a little into the man and quietly sinking into this brief moment of bliss. It was a good thing they weren’t face to face, cause honestly he didn’t know if he was the type who’d blush and whether it’d show on his face.

Venom felt his own lips curled up into a small smile hidden from Miller. "I think I was just being honest." It was nice to hear that Miller believed his words at least. He didn't want to think that Miller doubted him of all times now, knowing how easily he doubted people's words. Reason why being able to reassure Miller was his concern, and why he only spoke the truth to him. It was the only way to constantly remind Miller that he would never lie to him. Having heard that Miller had actually accepted his words and that he was not fighting it, he believed that things were going to be alright. He let their moment last for another minute or so, just two men comforting each other in silence, before he broke it, "So what about my reward? Surely I deserve one now that you said I comforted you." He grinned playfully before he pulled back and pulled Miller up with him. He made sure he sat comfortably beside him as he felt the blonde leaned close to him. It had been a rather weird sensation... weird because he didn't feel weird about it, but felt comfortable instead having Miller in his arms.

Miller let Venom pull him up by the arm and he sat up on the couch, shifting a little to better seat himself. It had been… nice sharing an intimate moment with him. It had not been intentional by all means but he appreciated it, and honestly glad that it had not gone ‘wrong’ in any way. He combed his hair with his fingers in case it got messy and realized he still had the cigar between his fingers. He glanced at Venom and put his hand out, trusting (or hoping) himself that he didn’t have a blush, “You mean this?”

Venom took a look at his hand, the cigar still between his fingers. It would’ve smelled bitter now, the scent of heavy tobacco infused into his skin, it would've been a smell he'd been so familiar with... Cuban. And Venom didn't know where his trail of thoughts were leading him to. He wondered if there was something he had expected out of those ideas, but apparently not. He reached out for the cigar, even though he wasn't really in the mood to smoke anymore. "Yeah..."

“What?’ Miller caught the subtle change in Venom’s tone as well as the lack of hype. Maybe what happened earlier was embarrassing enough it made everything awkward? Or was it awkward to just resume smoking again after what happened?

"Uh nothing," Venom thought to take the cigar in his hand, wondering why Miller had asked him that. Ironically he could now really use a smoke, he thought, something to defuse the strange tension Miller was giving him.

Miller observed Venom for two seconds after his reply and then asked, “Do you mind lighting it up?” He placed the cigar between his lips, his finger holding it steady. He had never done this before (lighting up a cigar for himself to smoke) and definitely not with Snake, but it just came to him somehow. He felt like giving this thing so important (or precious? Meaningful? Nostalgic? Comforting?) to Snake another try, just for the taste and experience. He was certain it would never become an addiction.

Venom watched Miller as he placed the cigar between his lips. Wait, was Miller actually.. really going to do this? Well Venom would've told him that cigarettes would be more of his thing, that it took an oldie to appreciate an oldie but who was he to actually stop Miller? It felt strange but he searched for the lighter he was using a moment ago and flicked the ignition a couple of times until the flame flared. "You sure?" He couldn’t help but ask again, curious what Miller could have in mind to try something unimportant and mindless like this.

Miller blinked and looked at Venom with a tinge of surprise; he hadn’t expected Venom to feel the need to ask him if he was sure about a mere cigar. But he could tell that the concern was genuine and so smiled softly at him to appease the worry, “I’m sure.” And then he placed the cigar back on his lips and tipped his head over to the flame from the lighter. As soon as it was lit, he took a deep puff and exhaled it, this time with his eyes closed so that the smoke wouldn’t get into his eyes. He didn’t cough either. Once done with the first puff, he passed the cigar back to Venom, sticking it right between his lips. “See?” He wore a look of confidence.

Venom probably didn't get a good look at Miller to make sure he wasn't putting up a tough front before the blonde had stuck the cigar back between his lips. Well... if Miller was trying to tell him that he was no teenager and that he'd be fine taking a hit from an old cigar, that wasn't exactly what Venom was worried about. It was not as though there was anything to be worried about, but Miller's disdain for him smoking could have been a genuine concern for health (he didn't even let him have one during his birthday but now?) so he didn't want Miller having to compromise his own health for something poisonous he enjoyed. "Well then," he bit down the cigar between his teeth as he squeezed words out, then sucking the through the filter he breathed the heavy smoke out, "Colorado Claro Coronas eh, someone did their homework." Venom then smiled and took the cigar between his fingers, "But we're gonna have to do a taste check for future purchases don't we?" Venom couldn’t quite help feeling a slight cheekiness over it, he did enjoy his smoking. "First things first however, a cigar cutter and butane lighter."

“Who said anything about future purchases?” Miller raised a brow, but there was this small curl in his lips. “This is meant to be special. I have no intention on unbarring your cigar limitation in case that’s what you think I’m doing.”

That... shutter shocked Venom for a moment because he thought he could ease his way to some real ones instead of the phantom ones that tasted... well, electronic. "Hey, we need to talk about this." Then Venom instinctively threw his arm around Miller and pulled him close to him, speaking as though he was trying to make a secret deal with Miller even though he knew he was just fooling around, "We don't have to do this, Kaz. I can have just one indulgence, can't I?"

Miller was surprised to find himself pulled towards Venom, his arm tight around his shoulder. They were pressed shoulder to shoulder and now Venom was ‘whispering’ something to him. Again, it was not like they had never been this close before, considering what happened just minutes ago, but it was pretty sudden and it caught Miller some bit off guard. Still, a part of him inside was not able to deny that he enjoyed this closeness and if it only lasted a moment, so be it. “And what is that?”

"Smoking," Venom answered matter-of-factly, "I don't have much options for hobbies on Mother Base, do I?" Venom continued to smoke, somehow unable to will himself to let go of Miller, feeling this rare opportunity where he had the man right next to him, chatting casually over mundane matters. But he wouldn’t lie, feeling the absence of his other arm made his heart ache. He wondered how it had been for Miller, even though he already knew what the answer would be. "Well if I can't even smoke on my birthday, I guess you'd owe me some compensation at least that in the presence of your company, I'd get to smoke. And as often as I want to." Then he took another slow inhale of the cigar, feeling the bitterness fill his mouth and lips, the scent of tobacco reeking him all over. He knew most of this talk was just a joke, he wasn't really going to push Miller like this, but the opportunity to joke was rare enough for him to let go.

“Not-- as often as you wish, Boss,” Miller knew this was just casual banter, but even then he was still not going to lie about this. He could feel that Venom was not letting go or even loosening his hold on him and he let them be. “Only here in my office,” he smiled. “And only on occasion. Only then would it make those few times precious.” There was also the health aspect, of course, but he knew the both of them already knew that and a reminder wasn’t necessary.

"Being alive itself is precious," Venom spoke solemnly, knowing that it was a miracle he even came out of his decade long coma. That Miller, despite being held captive and losing an arm and leg, was still alive, that they being able to sit in the same room together, chatting like this was precious. "Still being able to sit beside you and talk to you in itself is... precious." Then Venom looked away, the same worry plaguing his irises again. "But..." but when he turned to look at Miller this time, he took his hand off his shoulder and ran a hand through his blonde strands along the waves, looking at Miller in silence and with intensity without explanation. And he let the back of his hand brush his sharp cheek briefly, "It's good... this is good, Kaz."

Miller blinked as his eyes grew wide – it wasn’t from the talk about being alive or their like-mindedness in enjoying each other’s company so closely. It was the way Venom looked at him in the eyes and what felt like… affection…(???) that he was giving him. He could feel the blood rise to his face, his body warm. He didn’t believe in ‘blushes showing on people’s faces’ but the blood in his head still incurred a light form of dizziness, and he could feel his own heart thumping faster. His lips hung partially open as he looked back at Venom, trying his best to fight off that woozy sensation. He was confident he could pull off a neutral face, so to speak, but the subtle rise in heartbeat was something he couldn’t control. Eventually he broke their eye contact as he averted his eyes shyly, though not because of what Venom was saying but because of what he didn’t want to misunderstand. Looking like a fool in front of Venom was the last thing he wanted, but what did he mean by ‘this is good’? To be alive, yes it’s good. To be able to have casual chitchats, yes it’s good too. But touching him and looking at him like that, was that part of what’s ‘good’ too? That… can’t be, right? “I’m glad we’re alive too,” he said while still looking away but slowly turned to look at Venom again.

Venom wasn't the type of guy who'd pay attention to details. The bigger picture, the broader image, the decision-making or conceptual answer to things were always for more than one person, hundreds in fact, he might say. His actions would never be accounted for by anyone else, and his decisions were his and his alone. He wasn't one to bother with the littlest details, but when he did so, he was always the kindest and most benevolent with them. Reason why his approach for Miller had been the most gentle, not because he was a handicapped soldier, not because he was a wounded man, but because he was Miller—the man whom he went through the last few years before he blacked out and finally woke up again. Nothing had changed, nothing could be better now that he had Miller with him. There were times when Venom reminisced the day, the exact moment when he went back onto the field for the first time after being bedridden for years. That precise moment when he flipped the black bag and saw Miller, his missing limb, his missing leg, his wounded eye, how distraught he was, and the disbelief in his eyes even though he had knelt in front of him, calling out to him. Those words he had muttered during his rescue, those words he'd been waiting so long to hear, all the hope he had in spite of the torment and pain the Soviets inflicted upon him. Miller was the one who always had faith in his return, in him, and all that loyalty never dried out.

"Kaz..." Venom whispered softly, his hand never really leaving his face, watching the slight hint of a blush tainting his skin and how quick he was to look away. Had Miller been aware of how he'd look? Venom felt his heart race a little more; the subtle movements of Miller's eyes averting him, the slight parting of his lips breathing, the littlest things that he would never notice if it weren't for the fact that they were alone right now. But when Miller looked back at Venom, his eyes were no longer straying even though his own thoughts were, how his eye looked around his tobacco-scented lips, how translucent eyes bat at him, and the way his tousled hair slicked and slid from its place. Why was he looking at his features again? Venom felt a need to gulp some air, a sudden urge to breathe deeply, to stabilize this rising feeling inside his chest.

But before he could rationalize his actions, his hand left Miller's face once more and seized to the back of his head and he pulled him forward firmly. He felt Miller's face fall against his shoulder as he wrapped both arms now around Miller, one where it was and the other around his lower back. A sense of overwhelming relief washed through his body, the warmth and security of having Miller in his arms like that was the only thing that could ease the hysteria of the possibility of losing Miller again. To see him broken once more like that day would devastate Venom to his very core. That much he knew and would admit to no one but himself. "This is... good," he repeated once more, holding him tighter, "This is where you should be, Kaz."

It must be karma, or something, that triggered this long string of surprises in just one evening. They were already sharing a considerably intimate moment over cigars, strange as it might seem, but now something else seemed to have provoked Venom into another emotional episode. Had he said or done something to trigger this? Or was he just drawing and connecting lines between his sensitive past in the 1960s to the present, lamenting his losses similar to Miller from time to time? But then he heard his name. Was this about him? Was Venom worried about him, even though he was fine and healthy and un-kidnapped, so much that he would hold him like this… like he meant _that_ much to him? Miller was second in command in Diamond Dogs and considering how Venom was almost always out on the field, one might as well say that Miller was the leader while Venom a model soldier and an icon. It would not be an overstatement to say that without Miller, Diamond Dogs was as good as dead until it found itself another second in command of course, so from a business perspective Miller knew that while he was important, he was not irreplaceable. Snake was. But here he was holding him so tight with meaning he couldn’t quite pin point, telling him that here was where he belonged. Here…? Where…?

“I should be… in your arms…??” Miller asked awkwardly (and shyly actually, but not that Venom could see as they were hugging), though he was ready to turn it into a joke and laugh it off if he had misunderstood what Venom meant to say.

The question came so suddenly that even Venom was caught off guard. He hadn't really expected Miller to ask him something back, no less something this blunt which he couldn't even picture in the first place. But a question was a question, it only made sense for him to answer it. Why was Miller in his arms again? Because he wanted to be sure that he was right there. But Venom wasn't delusional, he knew exactly where was Miller, how healthy he was, how driven by revenge he was, how normal he actually was. The one behaving abnormally was him, for an inexplicable reason that wasn't entirely true. But what was true was he felt the comfort in having Miller in his arms, that he had craved this warmth all this time and only understood then what he had been wanting from Miller.

But there was hesitance in Miller's voice, the sort of worry that seemed to reverberate with his own. Miller didn't know what Venom meant, and he had hoped for clarification. And Venom knew it was embarrassing to say anything too much. Yet too little, would be insulting too.

"Here in Mother Base... is where you belong." Venom spoke softly before he pulled back to look at Miller. One glance at the man again gave him the strength to say the rest of what he had in his mind. So he rested his forehead against Miller's and looked into his eyes, ".....and yeah, here—" He then paused, rather embarrassed by what he was about to say. "—here, with me—somewhere I can always see and feel you."

There was a pang of disappointment when Venom had said he belonged here in Mother Base. That much he knew and agreed, it’d be one hell of a problem if any of them thought otherwise. But if that was all, what was with this… big reaction? Big boss might be sentimental, anyone’s got the potential to be, but he had never pegged him as someone who would get ‘touchy’ over something like this. But being disappointed over something like this also made him feel stupid, like some high school girl or something, and he didn’t want to see himself like that so he was quick to brush it off, on the surface at least. What was he expecting anyway to have something to be disappointed about?

But then Venom pulled away to look at him before Miller knew what he wanted/needed to say in response and what Venom did surprised him yet again. He didn’t even realize that he had been holding his breath when Venom leaned their heads together, saying those words he hadn’t expect, or had he…? He could be all honest with himself and still wouldn’t know what it was he truly wanted with the boss. Frankly he was already content that he was safe and alive and that they still shared the same dream and were on the same side. The stuff from a decade ago that he had once troubled about… they just didn’t seem that important now compared to this (that Venom was alive and remained with him).

It took him a moment to relax, their foreheads rested together. They had never done this before – even going for a ‘sunset date’ at the beach couldn’t have compared to this sense of intimacy, this bond. He looked back at Venom’s earnest blue eyes, his words soothing and sincere. Smiling softly, Miller closed his eyes, “I’m not going anywhere. You know I’ll always be with you.” He meant it. He had waited for him for close to a decade, from a coma he didn’t even know if he’d wake up from. He had prepared the new Mother Base, building it back up from scratch, ready for the boss’s return. He was back now, and they continued to work towards the same goal to fulfill the same vision. All this only meant something because it was with Snake and while he had not put it into words before, Miller was sure that Snake understood.

Venom felt this overwhelming urge that he couldn't suppress to have his lips curl even for the slightest bit. It was silly, is silly, to even think that they needed to cross words like this. Even though they haven't known each other for a true decade, it felt like they did in this moment. This was what family was like to him, someone whom he knew had his back and someone who would never leave him, as he would never, ever leave this person. He closed his eyes briefly, letting the smile take over him before he opened his eyes once more, looking for a hint from Miller to know that it was his turn to speak. "As I will always be with you too, Kaz." Venom spoke earnestly, his hand raised to Miller's jaw now, cupping it gently and sliding fingers to the back of his ears.

Venom was touching his face again, something truly intimate but whose meaning Miller didn’t understand. It felt really nice, he would admit to himself, but it was also a trigger that made him question what and why. Feeling that this was the only appropriate time, Miller braved up and asked, “Do you… do this with everyone?” He wore a look of uncertainty but he was actually certain the answer was no – the real thing he wanted to know was _why_ , which he thought Snake would naturally have to explain if he’d just ask. He would have thrown Ocelot’s name in instead of ‘everyone’ but it would be unwise to pin point Shalashashka in case Venom thought he was using this chance to complain about him over their not-so-sweet relationship. (Yet ironically Venom had the impression they were getting along now)

Another surprising question from Miller, Venom thought to himself. Well then again, he was acting out of the norm he'd suppose. Venom carefully threaded through his thoughts – what had his actions meant to Miller? He wanted to let Miller know how important he was to him, how Miller was the half he couldn't do without, that if he was flesh doing work then Miller was the mind telling him what to do, the shadow that would support him no matter what. But how was he to put all this into words without sounding weird? The answer to Miller's question had been an obvious ‘no’, something he was sure the blonde had known too. The question must be why. It was fair that Miller deserved an explanation to what he was doing to him, not anything bad per se.

"No..." Venom spoke softly, "Of course not." He had still been in the midst of gathering his thoughts, but articulating wasn't exactly his forte, unless he was Ocelot. He was just a soldier, and he was so used to letting his actions do the talking that now when it actually came to verbal skills, he found himself at a crossroad. What to say, what not to say. What could potentially damage their relationship or what could be relayed accurately. But Miller had been waiting. They were still touching, albeit not intimately (not to him anyway?), Miller was still waiting for his answer. He needed to say something, anything.

"I... I uh-- I don't know how to say this any other way but--" he paused again, taking a deep breath, scouring his thoughts with the last of attempts. "Only you... --I only feel this way with you, Kaz."

Miller didn’t blink this time. Venom’s words and what he shared was entirely new and he didn’t know how he should interpret them. These were… not words that men share with other men, not unless… but… that couldn’t be real. Boss was straight. Miller presumed he had loved the Boss (the Joy) and while that might have faded now after so long and what happened with PeaceWalker, he just didn’t seem like he could possibly have fallen for anyone else. And then there was Quiet, whom Ocelot spoke on behalf that she loved him, and Venom was always so protective of her, and they spent more time together than Miller ever could. And then there was Ocelot himself, the guy who knew Big Boss much longer and whom Zero even described as ‘the man that big boss trusts the most’. There were just so many things and people in his way, what were the chances this was in his favor? He could keep quiet, nod and just accept the vagueness of Venom’s answer, but he knew it would stick permanently to the back of his mind and possibly affect his psyche which in turn would affect things at work. He was a professional and he would do everything he could to stay professional. Personal feelings and work were to be two separate things, but _this_ was the man he had been secretly infatuated with for a long time. He was the other half in both his personal and work life, and if what he said remained vague and Miller were to wonder about this forever, there—there’d just be no end. He wanted clarification, not just to ease the tension but to be fair to the both of them. There was no point in misunderstanding or misinterpreting things between them, and there was nothing to lose. Whatever it might be, they still belonged here in Diamond Dogs, as comrades and brothers-in-arms. This would never change. “You make it sound like you’re in love with me,” Miller chuckled softly, ready to laugh it off should it be untrue. Rule of thumb, always have a backup plan.

When such words struck Venom, he felt foreign, unfamiliar. Love—Such an unnecessary word in the laws of militia, army and war. There were many more things to ponder about in war; tactics, strategies, spies and weaponry. Nukes. Deterrence. Deaths. Victories. Such much more to worry, contemplate and devise, but love? When was the last time Venom had heard something like this? What was love? An idea? A feeling? It didn't physically exist, neither did it win the war. But he knew that it had to be mutual. Often did he find himself thinking about the Boss. Her teachings, her goals, discipline, professionalism, words, hopes and her Will... things that would no longer matter for she was gone now, but along with it Venom knew she had taken a chunk of him with her. Was it why all that remained was the good part of him as a soldier, the asset that the world needed? Then there was EVA, the sleeper agent. Was it love with her? Was it why they had that night together? But he felt nothing. He had woken up the following day without a pinch from her disappearance. He moved on, discovered the truth she left behind, and continued moving on. So what was love if the only two women in his life had both abandoned him?

Then there was Ocelot, Adam. The man he trusted more than anyone back with Cipher. Here again, he had proven his dedication as someone he could rely and depend on. But had he felt 'love'? He couldn't say. Ocelots always preferred to be alone, wasn’t that the saying?

And.... here was Miller. The lives they had documented together began three years ago, though technically twelve. But Venom remembered the details clearly, how he spared Miller, how they built MSF together. How Galvez and Paz came into the picture, and how they had been fighting in Nicaragua and the local revolution. How he and Miller had been such a great team together as one, how Miller had always had his back and supported him in everything he did. And even now... he still did. Despite the things he might throw him off for, he never stopped supporting him in every decision he made. From Quiet to Emmerich, to every little scorn he had for those two and how he had made him accept his decisions, Miller was without uncertainty following his orders, believing his every action. Such devotion was... undeniable.

"I..." Venom spoke again, "I don't know what love is, Kaz," his voice sounded forlorn, almost distraught by the concept of idealism. He knew this wasn't exactly how he felt, he had a keen sense of his wellbeing, that if Miller hadn't meant as much as he did to him, he wouldn't have let it show over and over again no matter where they went. "But—"

And it was now that Venom finally backed away and looked at Miller, eyes unwavering, right into his soul, "—I know that without you, I'd be nothing. Without you, I won't have words. Without you, I am without directions. Without you, there'd be no Mother Base."

Lastly, "—without Kazuhira Miller, there'd be no Big Boss."

Well that was strange. Big boss was _the_ legendary soldier, he was the icon and aspiration to all the militia forces and soldiers in the world (and a nightmare to his enemies) and he was already that even before Miller. While it was true that without Miller there might not have been MSF and Diamond Dogs since he was the guy who started the business and the entire operation, it was also true that someone else of the same caliber could have taken this same role, no matter how much he hated to admit it. All this considered, normally it would have been the other way round – without Big Boss Miller wouldn’t be who he was today. But Snake never once took Miller for granted. And to show that, once again he was so kind that he had expressed this to Miller in reverse, giving _him_ all the credit. “Likewise then,” Miller finally said after a few seconds of thought to himself, not sure whether it was a relief that he didn’t have to laugh anything off as a backup plan, and definitely less sure of what it was he was feeling inside his chest. “I wouldn’t have accomplished all this without you,” he smiled in irony. “From here on out I’ll still be counting on you Boss.”

"Likewise, Kaz." And Venom finally took his hands off from Miller, taking a moment to rest against the couch once more. It didn't really bother him what he had done for Miller just now, nor was he regretting the words he’d said to him either. He felt as though he finally let Miller understand how much he meant to him, which was important. He never wanted Miller to think he had misunderstood him. He then stood up from the couch and stretched his body, "Well I hope we have a deal on the cigars at least."

“Only here in my office,” Miller compromised (the weak smile still on his face), if that even counted as a one since it was his intention since the beginning. “Though I think it fell off somewhere.” He was referring to the cigar they had been smoking, knowing that it was not finished and it was either Venom continued to finish it or Miller would keep it back in his table. Still, that was one, no, several hell of moments. They seldom had the opportunity to hang out and talk casually like this but now that they did, so many things seemed to have just happened all at once. It was intense, at least to Miller. He appreciated what Venom had said, his kindness and concern, and he knew this was already more than anything he could (or should) hope for. “It’s late. Maybe it’s time you get some rest.”

"Yeah, will do," said Venom as he dusted his lap off as though it had been dirty in the first place, a casual gesture. It was never clear why he reacted the way he did and he supposed he'd never find the answer to that. There were certain feelings he felt about Miller that were unspoken of, not that he was able to recognize or understand them. At least this was good – now what they had was good, he supposed. "Well I hope you'll keep those cigars safe until I come back for them. I look forward to it." Venom then got to his feet, slowly heading for the door. It was late after all, as Miller said, and he had ops tomorrow morning. "Rest well, Kaz." And then he left, feeling a sense of relief.

“You too,” Miller stood by the door and watched till he disappeared around the corner. Once out of sight, he closed the door and leaned heavily against it, his eyes closed, and took a deep breath. The past few hours had felt like many, many hours. He hadn’t expected any of that to happen. Then again, who could have? None of it was bad, of course. If anything it had been a good exchange of thoughts and reassurance of their vision and future. But there was something inside he couldn’t understand (he did actually, he just wanted to think he didn’t) that was pressing against his chest, and it suffocated him, if just a little. “What was I thinking,” he muttered to himself, continuing to lean against the door for a while more until he decided to return to his table and clear some work. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway, might as well down some liquor and be productive until the alcohol took him. The couch was big and comfortable enough; it would not have been the first time he had slept there. But the lingering smell of cigar had made it harder than necessary to ignore the longing within.

**Author's Note:**

> ==== MAJOR SPOILER WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =====  
> (For anyone who has NOT completed MGS5, please DON'T read my comment below) 
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> ==== END OF SPOILER =====


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